The metronome can be stricter than another person. It ticks at an equal distance each time and when your hands move slightly off, the sound reveals it. For a novice drummers, it may be an uneasy thing to have. Even though the click is merely measuring time, it can feel like it’s pushing you along. Instead of treating the metronome as a critic, treat it as a reference.
Start at a tempo that is almost painfully slow. If the exercise is not sounding good at this slow a tempo, there is a good chance that the problem does not lie in the tempo, but in your hands simply not being completely familiar with the movement. Slowing down your metronome means you will have more time to plan and make the next stroke, time to hear the gaps in between the clicks, and more opportunity to recognize how your stick bounces back into the pad. The opposite of the situation with speed, you can see where the change occurs when you play slowly.
Listen to the metronome for a few bars without even attempting to strike the stick and count to 1, 2, 3, 4 with it until you feel as though the numbers become part of the sound. Then you will begin the single stroke exercise, and you will be striking the sticks on 1, 2, 3, 4. You will have very little height and will have to feel that you’re playing in a relaxed fashion, so there is no need for you to try and hit hard. A soft and quiet hit that comes down on the beat will be much more useful to you than a loud hit which comes up short.
If the single stroke exercise is sounding good on the quarter note, continue to play against the metronome while keeping the time in your head on 1 and 2, and 3 and 4. Then you will strike on 1 and 2, and 3 and 4, followed by 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. This will teach you how to stay calm when the time passes without the presence of a note to play in it and to learn how to feel that in between time, because that is what you will need to feel to do hi-hat patterns on the hi-hat, snare drum backbeats, and how you will position the bass drum.
If, during this exercise, the click sounds like it is becoming too difficult to play, try to reduce the complexity rather than quit on the exercise. Drop the bass drum from your pattern and play the exercise using only the hands. Play it only on the right hand, omitting the left hand. Clap out the rhythm, and then play the exercise with the sticks. Many patterns which seem impossible to play properly in the presence of a fully functioning drum groove will become clear enough when you are only playing a part of the pattern. This is what a metronome is good for; the metronome should make things simpler, not more complex.
If you have played a metronome exercise properly, you should be left with a greater sense of alertness, rather than stress. If you begin noticing that your shoulders are tensing up, or your fingers are tightening, or the urge to chase the metronome begins after each incorrect time, it is best to stop and take a deep breath; the click will not be late for the next time. That is actually why the metronome is there, it will give you a constant beat that you can be confident of returning to while the rest of your hands learn patience.